[d3v0 lifeblog]

A blog of the newly hedonistic d3vo.

Better at Relationships with Women Part 2

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So I'm better at women in a relationship context.  What do I mean exactly?

So things are working out much better, and I can see what is and isn't happening, and these relationships have clarity, and I can steer them to some extent and negotiate them and size them and communicate about them with some comfort.  I'm really pretty happy about this as you would expect.

My modest set of experience means that I think I can see patterns in dating, shagging, being friends, having meaningful relationships and getting close to women.  I think these are western patterns.  Some part of these feels cultural, but a lot of it feels like a good computer program for trust construction over a lossy channel.

So I was very intolerant about not knowing about what things meant when I was dating.  I had trouble not knowing answers to questions like 'Does she like me and which way?'.  I was kind of nervous about it and I'm sure it showed and steered things badly.

Data points let me get some idea of what things meant, by figuring it out in retrospect, and this comparison stuff has let me build a tolerance for these questions through realising things about communication, specifically about what you are dealing with in terms of the communication medium, which I have not heard or seen a satisfactory explanation of.  Mine looks like this:

"The communication channel for dating starts small, is lossy, garbles messages and breaks if any message is too much bigger than the last one."

There is a lot of depth about what I mean here, that you have to understand that capacities and limitations of the channel in order to ever have a tolerance for it that is necessary for a composure and a competency.

There are some ways specifically that you need to parse information from this channel that mean that you can't really reasonably be very upset or pleased about signals that you get right away, you can't often parse the last few signals you got, you can only parse early ones in the chain.

I think the parsing of this information is specifically a Type 1 Context Sensitive grammar in the Chomsky heirachy.  These are the ones that are hard to parse because you need to keep a kind of state in your parser.

Better at Relationships with Women Part 1

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I realised tonight while talking with a buddy that I seem to have been luckier in the past year or so than prior with women.  Much luckier.  Much better.  He asked me what that was about and I replied that I'd think about it and get back to him.

It isn't that I've been working out lots at the gym, I haven't, I'm not in good shape for me.  It isn't a new haircut.  My wardrobe has been pretty good this last year, but not markedly different than prior.  No new car.  My home has been in pretty good shape however, a tiny help.

Part of things is slowly accumulating some mass of 'emotional skills', abilities to pick apart specific feelings, actions, reactions.  This has happened basically because enough experiences, including being crushed, have happened to me.

I'm a guy that needs a lot of data to work things out and I certainly got that with a share of crushings, bad chasing, poor calls and an actually crazy woman with Boarderline Personality Disorder.  About 5 or 6 years worth of data is how long it took me to get somewhere towards my self perceived competency.

Most people get this stuff earlier, but being a geek and having a great long early relationship, starting relationships late, being an introvert, learning finer points of social skills later; these meant that I didn't get 5 years of random dating done till about a year ago, roughly.

I've had plenty of support though, here and in other places, that has helped a lot, so thanks :)

I think things needn't take this long if you have a good guide.  I certainly had people to talk to, but to at a level of specificy that worked for me.  In extreme detail when things don't work, breaking that down to some fundamental thing, some fundamental contradiction, that is how I learn.

For general unguided mish mash experience, it took me a lot of data points.

But I have found people really good at relationships, kind of at the wrong end of the process, but these people do exist and so that is good to know and talk about.

Firefox 7 Fixes

Somewhere along the road from Firefox 3 to Firefox 7 that we have seen this year a couple of features have fallen from it that I want back.

The first is a status bar thingy at the bottom so that you can see the URL of links before you click them.  If you download actual files or do various kinds of web development then this feature is pretty useful.  This plugin puts these features back:

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/status-4-evar/

The second feature is removing the "http://" bit from your address bar.  For developers this looks weird and for anybody who copies and pastes this is a pain.  You can turn it back on by faffing with a setting, it takes about 20 seconds to do, see instructions here:

http://peter.upfold.org.uk/blog/2011/09/28/un-hide-the-http-in-firefox-7/

Happy browsing :)